bunbunbunbun

Sometimes telling someone the truth is like accidently shooting yourself in the foot on your way to a battle, a battle that you are just so pumped to fight in. Well now all I have to do is sit back and see the outcome of the war.

This shit isn't, fo realz. . . well maybe. . .but anyways really it is a pleasure of mine to try out new sex toys. Especially when they have been in your bag all night as you traveled from party to party knowing that you already had your morning after in your purse. I am really drunk and went from toy to toy and I realized this one is still my all time favorite, http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=GSPOT&Category_Code=VI

awesome have a beautiful night,
<2

Really almost all of my life I have been the big spoon. I always said I was made for being the big spoon because I have super long arms to hold any that lays with me. I think I have been forced into believing that, but really it is because I appear to others to have everything together, I am a sense of security, I am a strong individual, so people need me to hold them both metaphorically and physically. I have felt torn so many ways right now, since everything is shitty for everyone I feel like everyone is going to me to look for salvation, to tell me their problems, to just get things off their chest. Since the economy is shitty, jobs are shitty, so people become shitty, they try and one up your bad day. I have taken the brunt of so many peoples frustrations that I don't know where to put mine. I have so many other peoples' problems on my shoulders that my unappropriatly long arms are trying to hold up my problems like a server on their first day trying to balance a tables worth of dinner entrees. My arms are tired. I am so ready to give up, please just let me be the little spoon, someone take my tables for me, hold on to my tray for 5 minutes I just need to shake things off real quick.

So yesterday was the St. Patrick's day festival and I was asked to work the bar all day. Erik didn't show up, so the managers wife asked me if I wanted to take his shifts. Of course I said yes I would be working more and getting a paycheck. So Erik got fired.

Damned if you do damned if you don't, but that's O.K. I deserve another paycheck for the amount of work that I do.

I just sent him a message and this is what it said:

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So, I guess lets start from here, I met you a while back, a bunch of months ago. Seriously, I would say from the second time we hung out, I was attracted to you. You were crafty, efficient, and good looking. From the very start I told Cecelia that I had a crush on you. As time passed I would tell Cecelia things like, "I haven't seen man in a while and it is really gettin' to me." I never pushed for anything, because going down to the south bay is like my oasis away from the city, and you are a big pat of that. Cecelia knew how much I liked you from the very beginning. You never knew because I never had the balls to say anything, nor did I want anything to change.

That's why this is all jacked up. You had no idea, but she did, she knew everything. So when I take her down there to meet everyone that I say great things about, she ends up getting close to you, real close, close to the point where I had an anxiety attack. And on top of that, she was using my jokes and my mannerisms, she was saying the same things that I say, she was a mini-me that night, which bothered me to begin with.

I wasn't even upset with you, shit you could have slept on the couch with any other person, and yes I would have felt rejected, but not betrayed.

She told me today that she had seen you again. I was fucking hurt. Again you had no idea, but the sheer fact that one of my best friends, saw someone again after a shitty night like that, made me really question the friendship that her and I have. Considering everything that I had told her about my feelings for you.

I am only telling you this because, well you needed to know. You needed to know that I am hurt by this whole situation. I don't want to lose you as a friend either, I should have never mixed my lives, because it pretty much always causes drama and certain people need drama in their lives to exist.

It is also 4:30 in the morning and I hope I can sleep after I push the send button, instead of being awake weighing out the possibilities in my head.

Have a beautiful night and hope to see you soon
<3 the hare

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And then I unplugged her power.

I spent too much money, I got a printer, because I needed a printer. I got a portable hard drive, because I needed a portable hard drive. All of this, and my wallet magically disappeared last night. God, I am not having a great week. These sad posts will stop after Monday. Monday after 12.

I got a fish. Well actually I got three fish. Two betas and a really pretty goldfish. I come home today to find my goldfish and bowl in pieces. My cats the sons of bitches really wanted it, they wanted it so bad they managed to get wet soggy sand and shards of glass all over my apartment. So good bye dear craigslist (the fish) and good bye to this god damn fuzz emanating carpet, because you hide tiny pieces of glass all too well.

So there was this guy I was seeing. I was really into him. We had great sex, good conversations, and moreover great sex.

I am not seeing him anymore. I will not see him again. I was really broken up about it. But hey shit happens and he's not the only penis in the ocean, right?

I am excited about this evening.

So I should be writing all the things that should be in BEAT our newsletter but I can't seem to do it because I have another lingering feeling that I have to address. I may be on the verge of a relationship and its kinda scaring me a bit. I think about this person a bunch and I really like this guy, which scares me. It horrifies the hell out of me. I want to be in a relationship, but really to be honest, I don't know how. I am just trying not to sabotage myself.